A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE-SIDED COMMUNICATION

A relationship is defined as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. For the purpose of this article, we will concern ourselves with how two or more people are connected. The people in this relationship are God and you, the Christian.

How are relationships created and maintained? Some relationships -- marital relationships for example -- start with attraction between the two (man and woman), followed by nurturing by both people and sometimes their loved ones. The parent/child relationship starts with the adults having a child naturally, or through adoption. Last but not least is the relationship between friends. Again, this relationship starts with some form of attraction. No matter how these relationships start, in order to keep them alive and flourishing, they have to be nurtured by the individuals in the relationship.

What goes into nurturing a relationship? Communication, support, giving, encouragement, respect, and provision of what the other person needs. Each participant in the relationship needs these, so if meeting any of these needs becomes one-sided, the relationship will suffer, and after a while, begin to crumble, and eventually fail.

In the same way, Christians need to nurture their relationship with God the Father if they’d like to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with Him. God doesn’t need to be nurtured: we do. God wants to have ongoing, two-way communication with us. He wants to hear our voice as much as He wants us to hear His. He’s charged us to pray (see Matthew 6:5-15; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17; James 5:13), which is our end of the communication. How about His end of the communication? He speaks to us through His Word; we need to read it, meditate on it, and obey it. That’s the only uncontested way to hear from Him; there is no other!

If we pray, asking for this, that, and the other, but never hear what He has to say, our communication becomes one-sided, and we don’t benefit. When communication becomes one-sided, it becomes a lecture; it ceases to be communication. God seeks a relationship, and not a lecture; He already knows what we need. He needs us to know His Word, claim it, and live it victoriously for His glory.

So, dear child of God, how has your communication been with your Father lately? Remember, He admonishes us to have fewer words: “As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. It is evil to make mindless offerings to God. Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few” (Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 NLT). You can practice listening more. Start today by reading and meditating on the Word, allowing Him to speak to you.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FORGIVING OTHERS

Forgiving means letting go: not holding others accountable for the wrongs they have committed against us. In other words, any time we think of forgiving or not forgiving another, we’re admitting that we’ve be wronged.

The Usual Responses to Offences

What are the usual responses to offences? We can choose to confront the offender and resolve the issue; take offence, but never confront or forgive, resulting in giving cold shoulders; or never confront, but forgive and go on with life as if nothing ever happened. 

The Outcome of Not Forgiving

●      Resentment and avoidance:

When we feel hurt, we can harbor resentment, whether or not we address it with the offender. That resentment can put us on the path to avoidance, and we might never get the relationship restored.  

●      Gossip:

When we don’t forgive, we have the tendency to share our hurt with others, seeking their sympathy, and that often leads to gossip, which can cause others to resent our offender as well.

How to Handle Our Hurts:

1.    Admit we are hurt

2.    Identify the offender

3.    Identify how we were hurt, and the reason we were hurt

4.    Pray for wisdom to know how best to respond and have a restored relationship.

5.    Pray for grace to be willing to forgive, and to forgive, even if the offender does not admit wrongdoing.

Why We Should Forgive:

We should forgive because:

1.    God says so: “Forgive others, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37 NLT). Have you ever prayed the Lord’s Prayer? Most people can say it from memory; part of it says: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12 NLT). God says to forgive, and we ask to be forgiven, both being contingent on us forgiving others.

2.    Choosing to not forgive others is sin, and it has consequences. The psalmist says: “If I had not confessed the sin in my heart [and forsaken], the Lord would not have listened” (Psalm 66:18 NLT).

3.   God is our example. We offend Him more times in a day than others offend us, and if He, a holy God, forgives us when we confess, we should obey Him, follow His example and forgive those who sin against us. Let’s also remember that we’re not perfect, and do sin against others.

The Scripture tells us: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger … Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 4:31-5:1-2 NIV).

It is possible to honestly forgive. I speak not only from Scripture, but also from experience. I’ve tried it and it works! It dawned on me one day that there were a couple of people who had offended me, but I had never addressed it with them or faced them: I never forgave them in my heart; I just stayed away from them, responding to their ‘hellos’ from a distance. I emotionally distanced myself from them. How sad! I wonder how many of my prayers went unanswered because of that.

My response to this revelation was to confess it to the Lord, asking for forgiveness and grace to forgive these people. Then, while praying, I said these people’s names out loud, and told them and God that I forgive them. I believe God answered, because now when I think about them, I no longer have a funny feeling about them; I honestly feel forgiveness toward them. What a relief!

It is possible to forgive, because our abilities and strength to do anything are based on Jesus already having won the victory for us. “Apart from me,” He said, “you can do nothing” (John 15:5 NIV). First we need to be willing to forgive, and then ask Him for grace to forgive the offender. We then need to go out of our way to reach out to these people in love, allowing the Holy Spirit to heal us and restore the relationship we had with them.

Every sin is sin, but the sin of not forgiving I think, is in a category all by itself, although we so often give it very little thought. I’ve concluded that we cannot afford to not forgive, because we cannot afford the consequences--God not forgiving us, and not hearing our prayers. Finally, let us take this admonishment seriously: “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:14-15 NIV).

The Type of Sinners God Forgives

Sin is defined as lawlessness--breaking God's laws. It doesn't make any difference which ones you break; sin is sin, and it is against God. The God who said, "Don't commit murder" is the same One who said, "Don't commit adultery." Whichever one you commit is still sin, punishable by death - separation from God (see Romans 6:23). You might be thinking your sin is so great it can never be forgiven, or that you are not as bad as someone else. Both assumptions are far from the truth, because, first, God has declared that we are all sinners (see 1 John 1:10). And second, He hates sin, but third, He loves the sinner. That means God loves you and is waiting to forgive you, no matter what you have done or don’t think you have done. All that is standing between you and forgiveness is your repentance. God doesn't forgive for forgiveness’ sake. He forgives individuals who admit their guilt and sincerely ask for forgiveness, leading to a status change: from God's enemy to His child; from darkness into light; from Satan to God; from death to life (see Romans 5:10; Acts 26:18; Romans 6:13). So what is the sin that's weighing down so heavily on you? The size of your sin is not the problem; your denial and pride are preventing you from repenting. The Bible talks about different individuals who found forgiveness because they repented. Consider their sin, and understand that God is willing and able to forgive you and never hold it against you. He will wipe your slate clean, as if you had never sinned. King David, the second king of Israel, committed adultery with a married woman, Bathsheba, had her husband murdered to cover it up, and then married her (see 2 Samuel 11:1-17, 27). What a tragedy! But David repented (see 2 Samuel 12:13; Psalm 51) and was forgiven. When Jesus was crucified, He was crucified between two criminals, one on each side of Him. One repented, and said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom” (Luke 23:42 NLT), and found forgiveness instantly. Jesus responded: “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise" (Luke23:43 NLT). Your sin, dear reader, is pardonable, if only you follow God's prescribed process! First, repent of your sin, no matter how small or big. Second, turn your life over to Him. God will forgive you and put His Holy Spirit into your heart to bear witness with your spirit that you are a child of God. If you are unsure if God will forgive you, I encourage you to give the process a try; you'll be amazed at the difference. God is faithful; He does not go back on His Word. The Bible says: "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31 NLT). There are thousands (including myself) who can attest to the validity of the Bible and its promises, because they have experienced it: “Anyone who wants to do the will of God will know whether my teaching is from God or is merely my own” (John 7:17 NLT). Dear reader, please don't hesitate any longer; Jesus already paid for your sins! The apostle Paul wrote to the Church in Ephesus, and says: “He [God] is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins (Ephesians 1:7 NLT). Call on Him today; you’ll be glad you did. The benefits will start right away, and continue into eternity! Here is Jesus’ definition for eternal life: “This is the way to have eternal life—to know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth” (John 17:3 NLT). Think about it!

PLAN FOR YOUR FUTURE--TODAY

 

Assume there’s a college you’d like to attend. Which of the approaches below do you think could aid in your gaining admission? 1) You study hard, then submit your transcript to the college. The college responds, and asks you to take care of some deficiency; you do that, and reapply. You're accepted and sent a letter of admission with all necessary information. The day college starts, you show up at your assigned dorm, and the rest is history! 2) You study hard, wait until the day college starts, then show up at the admission office with your luggage and transcript in hand and the ‘HOPE’ that your transcript will be good enough for you to be allowed into college. The admissions officer tells you face-to-face that your transcript is not good enough, and besides, admission is closed until the following year. Which of these two approaches was wise? Clearly, option one was the wise one, but why? Because the student in option one planned ahead, and actually had an admission letter that confirmed his acceptance to his school of choice. The student in option two left his admission to chance; he was hoping, but had nothing concrete on which to base that hope. As you can see, he missed his opportunity to attend the college of his choice; what a tragedy! In the same way, as important as going to heaven is to most people, some of these same people do not make the necessary preparations. They leave everything to chance. They make statements like, "I hope my good outweighs my bad." Who said anything about weighing, anyway? Heaven is God's dwelling place, and He decides the rules of admission. So, just as prospective students have to follow the requirements for admission to the college of their choice, people who want to get in to heaven have to follow God's laid-out process. So what are God's requirements for gaining admission to heaven? God's requirements are stated in the Bible, the only authentic Word of God. In it, we learn that we're all sinners, and that sin has made a separation between God and man. In order to bridge the gap, the Bible says, there's only one Mediator between God and man--the Man Christ Jesus (see 1 Timothy 2:5-6). Also, it tells us, by grace we've been saved through faith, not of ourselves, it is the gift of God, lest any man should boast (see Ephesians 2:5-9). In other words, man cannot do anything to merit forgiveness from God. Forgiveness is based strictly on God's grace; it cannot be earned. All that's required is for man to admit guilt and ask for forgiveness through Christ Jesus. That's all it takes to enter heaven. To those who take this step, the Bible offers this assurance: “I have written this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life” (1 John 5:13 NLT). So you don't have to wait until you die to find out if you made it. If you wait that long, it will be too late to fulfill the requirements, and like that second student, you'll miss the opportunity to enter heaven. How tragic!