A glimpse of God's heart
God gives us little glimpses into His heart through this world. He uses our own lives to lead us to Him and show us who He is. I’d like to share the little glimpse that He’s given me about how He feels about adopting us as sons. Let me tell you a little bit about my family; My husband and I had no trouble conceiving and in less than five years we had three biological children, two girls and then our boy.
When our son was eleven months old, we began the process of adopting a girl from Korea. Our daughter was not even conceived yet. After a year and a half of waiting we received our referral and saw two pictures of our daughter for the first time. She was only two months old, but didn’t get to come home until she was six months old.
I know it’s hard to imagine, but even with three beautiful children it was so hard to wait for news of our daughter. We so desperately wanted her in our arms. I will admit to being busy enough that the longing didn’t consume me, but it was still surprising how difficult it was to wait for almost two years to meet our daughter. This was just a little glimpse into the heart of God. He longs to make us one of his children, even before we are conceived and as we are babies, and toddlers. He yearns for us to know Him.
Fast forward seven years: Out of the blue one day my husband tells me there is an eight month old Korea boy that needs a family. What? Where did that come from? We had been done expanding our family for six and a half years and hadn’t talked about adopting again for a long time. Well, over the next four days, God worked on our hearts. He burdened us with the desire to see this specific little boy in a Christian home and gave us the willingness to be that home for him. After praying for three excruciating weeks, without hearing a peep from God, He answered us with a green light to pursue adopting this baby boy.
Aug., 22, 2014 marked two years since we began this journey. Our son is still not home and not legally adopted yet. It is hard to express just how difficult the two year wait has been. I’ve celebrated two of his birthdays with half the world between us. I’ve missed all of those millions of mile stones that he reached in his first two and a half years of life. Okay, I will admit to not being even the least bit sorry that I missed all of the teething, but that’s one of the only things that I haven’t mourned over. I even missed his first black eye. He fell at the park and I got to see the pictures, but not experience it with him.
Every few months we get health updates and pictures of our son. I hunger for information and his sweet face, yet it stabs my heart because he’s not with me. About twice a year we even get a video of him. Again that causes a war within. I want to drink in every moment on the video, but he just keeps growing up without me. My heart yearns and aches for my son, not pictures, videos and weight/height measurements. Are you sending God pictures and updates of your life, without really trying to have a relationship with Him?
One of the worst parts of this waiting, is that he doesn’t even know who I am. We’ve sent pictures and presents, but he has no idea that I’m his mom. When we first meet, he might even be afraid of me. I don’t exactly look like all of the people he’s seen all of his life. I have red hair and about the whitest skin on earth, add freckles (which he’s probably never seen either) and I could be quite terrifying. I don’t even speak the same language as him. If it breaks my heart to be separated from my son, how much does it break God’s heart to be separated from people that He sent His Son to die for? He has shown each of us pictures of Himself. They are all around us. He has even spoken to us, through circumstances, His word and that still small voice. But how many people don’t know that He desires to be their father? How much must it hurt when we willingly turn our backs to Him and run the other way with our hands over our ears?
Is God pursuing you? He wants to adopt you as His child. It will cost you. You will lose things that you already love. In fact you must lay down your life so that you can find it. (Mathew 16:24-26) What a life it is! Being a child of the King isn’t as bad as this world would have you believe. He really does have your best interest in mind.
Romans 8:15 (NASB)
15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery [a]leading to fear again, but you have received [b]a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”
I can’t wait to hear my son call me “Mama.”
Do you call God, “Father?”