Thursday, July 10, 2014

What Oz The Great And Powerful And Adoption Have In Common

A Lesson in Compassion

I have a daughter adopted internationally form South Korea. In the past year, I've been on a journey of learning. It's hard to comprehend what an adopted child has suffered emotionally. It's especially hard, when said child fights you at every turn. To me, being adopted is no big deal. I love my child very much and don't see being adopted as a hard or bad thing. I know that God chose a specific little girl to be ours and be part of or family. But, I've been learning that the adopted child can have a very different perspective.
While in the struggles of raising our daughter it's so easy to forget that even though she was six months old when she came home, she has a past. That past is longer than six months, it is in fact fifteen months. So many factors during pregnancy effect the development of children, that the time in the womb can't be disregarded as unimportant.

So here is the picture that God showed me...
The second time that I watched Oz The Great and Powerful, I was stuck by the little china doll. I mean it's not like we know anything about her when the wizard walks into her demolished village and finds her hiding behind a table with two broken legs. Yet, I found that my heart was broken for her and all that she had suffered. She has survived a very traumatic event. And I felt compassion for her.

My eyes were opened. My daughter has suffered from a traumatic experience that is just as heart wrenching as that little china doll. Can you feel the pain and fear that she must have experienced?

What about those broken legs? An adopted child has already lost a mother and father, and they had no control over the situation. It's like having their legs broken off. Along comes the wizard. He glues her legs back on. An adoptive family is like those glued on legs. The child is whole, cherished, loved, provided for, and protected. But, I'm beginning to see the cracks that are left behind on their legs. Will they ever be truly whole? I know of only one way to permanently fix a broken person, and that is God. Only God. My heart breaks for the hurt that my child feels every minute of every day, deep down inside and I plead with God to heal her broken legs that she may be whole in Him.

How do you parent a broken person? Don't ask me! I'm floundering. My hope is in the LORD and His wisdom in each and every situation. My wisdom failed me years ago. I have one thing left to do, surrender to God and parent in His strength and leave the result up to him. For too long I've been so afraid of what my daughters future might be. If a person acts irresponsibly as a child and you feel like you can't teach them correctly, than the only reasonable conclusion is that they will be an irresponsible adult, right? Wrong! Because there is a God who lives and moves in our lives and most of all changes hearts. I'm not saying that we stop training our children to be responsible adults, but at the end of the day the result isn't up to us.

As a side note on the little china doll in the movie, it didn't escape me that the first thing she does after being saved by the wizard is manipulate him. She cries until he says she can go with him into the dark Forest. Make of it what you will, I'm just say'in.

 This was originally posted on

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  1. Interesting insight. I think we all could do with getting into our children's experiences and minds and hearts. There is so much we assume from our perspective, but they don't have the skills to deal with.

  2. We have three adopted girls. Got them at ages 5, 6, and 9. So, they do remember the abuse in the biological home, as well as in a foster care home. We are floundering also at being parents. They are teenagers now and two of them are fighting us. All three of them have fought us at one time or another.

  3. I don't think it would be possible without God. Dr Caroline Leaf explains how 4 generations can be passed through the brain... So there is very long past that your girl has that you know nothing of... But God knows and yes he chose you for her and her for you. Quite awesome really. Xx

  4. As a mother of two adopted international daughters and being adopted myself, you can't underestimate the impact on a child's psyche, even if there is no abuse. My feeling is the best thing you can do is love unconditionaly, knowing only God can heal their hearts. And God loves them more than you do, and He knew you could handle it, or He wouldn't have made you their parent. Remember, you are the best thing they have going for them, and the sacrifice yoou make today will be remembered -- by God when you stand before His throne. Do the best you can and leave the rest with Him. No guilt allowed.